Posted by: blagoblogger | February 2, 2009

Citizen Blagojevich – A look into the (not so distant future)

Rod is ecstatic now that he gets to where his Elvis costume 23/7!!

Rod is ecstatic now that he gets to where his Elvis costume 23/7!!

You have to wonder what it’s like in the mind of Rod right now.  Going from the talk show circuit, to being just another dirt-bag ex politician who has no chance of a future, whatsoever.

SO…..we had a vision this morning about life in the house of Rod in the not so distant future and figure it’s going to be going something like this…

(Rod, still in bed, flat on his back so as not to wrinkle the rhinestone PJ’s)

Patti: GET UP YOU (BLEEPING) PIECE OF (BLEEP).

Rod: but I don’t have to go in today until 8 because I’m closing today!

Patti: I don’t give a (BLEEP), I have to go sit in that (bleeping) rental center and listen to people tell me “how they just can’t fit all that stuff in their garage anymore so they had to come rent space to put it all!” You know what?  After next week when you finish selling all your (bleeping) Elvis Presley bull(bleep), we’ll be able to start renting space in this (bleeping) place!!!  Get your ass up.

Rod: Aw come on Patti.  Can’t I sleep for just a while longer??

Patti: Just get the (bleep) up and maybe they’ll give you some overtime if you show a little INITIATIVE!! Speaking of (bleeping) INITIATIVES you stupid (BLEEP), remember that stupid (bleeping) “New Americans Initiatives” you signed for those stupid (bleeping) organizations who wanted to legalize illegal aliens??  How many MILLIONS of dollars did you give those (Bleep-holes?) MAYBE WE’D BE ABLE TO GET BETTTER (BLEEPING) JOBS TODAY IF YOU’D A KEPT YOUR (BLEEPING) PEN IN YOUR POCKET, YOU DUMB-ASS!

Rod:  I had to sign that Patti, if I didn’t sign that for the ICIRR, then I would have never gotten the Hispanic vote!

Patti: and a lot of (bleeping) good it’s doing you now, isn’t it!!  (bleeping) Jose’, the head bagger at your Jewel is working less hours and making more than you, you dumb-(bleep), AND HE HAS BENEFITS!  Why don’t you call your good friend Joshua Hoyt at the ICIRR and tell him that you’ve given him MILLIONS of dollars over the last 6 years for NOTHING and now YOU could use a little charity from him!!!

Rod: I already did that.  He said “sorry Rod, you’re not an illegal alien and it’s not our policy to help Americans”

Patti: BLEEP HIM!  I’m going to go over there and kick his (BLEEPING) ass!

Rod: Patti, you know your dad’s not going to bail you out of jail again after your episode at Jewel.  Don’t be getting arrested anymore.  Everything will be just fine…

Patti: (BLEEP) you, and (BLEEP) my DAD!  (BLEEP) them all!

Rod: Ok, I’ll get up.

<phone rings>

Patti answers

Patti: Hello?

(heavy breathing on the other end of the phone)

Patti: Hi Mayor!  I KNOW it’s you, you piece of (BLEEP)!  You (BLEEPING) number is on the caller ID you DUMB-(BLEEP!)

Rod: Be nice Patti.  He’s scared to talk on phones now.  You know that!  If it wasn’t for him…

<Patti interrupts>

Patti: IF IT WASN’T FOR HIM, WE WOULDN’T BE IN THIS BULL(BLEEP) ROD!! YOU KNOW DAMN WELL THEY’RE AFTER HIM AND ARE USING YOU TO GET TO HIM!  NOW WAKE THE (BLEEP) UP AND QUIT FEELING SORRY FOR THAT DAMN PERVERT!  WHO THE (BLEEP) DOES HE THINK HE IS

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